An Open Letter to...

You're not perfect. You're not the person you want to be. Your way of stopping yourself from becoming what you were in the past is to remind yourself every single day you're a bad person, to guilt yourself into mazes of allegedly deserved worthlessness, to believe there's no other way to redeem yourself other than living in the shame and shadows of your past, and sometimes to think you're lost beyond relief; you lose hope.

I don't fully understand you. I constantly failed to help you as I simply couldn't, because I'm not perfect either. I'm still naive when it comes to people, I still have the savior complex and I actually believe I can change people and help the world to not suck so much. It's all so stupid and childish of me, but it's especially heartbreaking when I saw you were so lost and was unable to help you. Hearing you tell me you're depressed and not being able to tell you everything will be alright almost made me cry in public. All you asked of me is to not worry about you, but I just can't.

I can't save you, and I can't not care. So here I am stuck in the middle of these two facts, feeling so little and so helpless, missing you and praying both of us will be alright.

Forgive yourself, and forgive me.