Turning "18"

So yeah, as the title suggests. I will be turning eighteen in less than two weeks, it's happening! But you know what, all I gotta say about it is...IT'S SO DARN OVER-RATED!!
I feel like the person I'll wake up to be Friday the 9th is exactly the same that will go to bed the preceding Thursday...I have nothing to look forward to about it, maybe with the exception of changing my Facebook privacy settings to resemble their current status, and decorating a cake with pink frosting. I feel like being a legal adult is an event so popularized by the media that it has turned into just being an over-18 person! It's not like on the previously mentioned Thursday I won't be mature enough to watch an R-rated movie that on Friday I will! Or maybe that I'll take my allowance from dad for the next week and a half but on Friday I'll just go find a job!

Then comes the part which I think of the most, the accountability for my actions. I'm a fairly responsible person, in fact I get mistaken for being in my mid-twenties because I act so poised (which is so not true!) It just bugs me that making mistakes before hitting this "milestone" will account to my parents, but right after...I'm on my own. It just seems not right. Any misconduct coming from 'me' is supposed to be 'my' fault however old or young I am, I can't just keep being treated like a baby and then boom, I'm caught off-guard into being my own person. It's quite contradictory to basic logic.

It's ridiculous, I could think of a million things wrong with just assuming that by eighteen a person will be an adult. There need to be tests to confirm these things, people! I mights as well just call mom and dad by their first names, since we'll all be "adults" now.

 I may or may not be into my sane mind right now, but I just hope this thing will be over soon, the "transition" I mean. Turning 18 might mean something more than just it being legal to marry me off, or being able to purchase alcohol. It might as well be a reminder to me that I'm not getting any younger, that it's about time I have known my responsibilities  and planned for my future. Crap, I don't even know from where all this lofty talking is coming. I just know that on November 9th, I'll be 18 :)

Caught inside a stereotype?!

Being a girl is tough. I can go on all day about sexism and gender inequality, but what would I be adding to a debate as old as time?! I'll just talk about a side of it that I see girls my age suffer from. What is it? Well, it's the "YOU GIRL, YOU DO ONE THING WELL, ONE THING ONLY" type.
YES, I do get the frequent stares and hums when I raise my hands in class and answer a question correctly. Yes, people don't get over the fact that although I take care of how I look I can still be a good student. And what surprises me most is that these people might be other girls my age who don't get the whole picture. As if to be actually good at something, you'll have to sacrifice every other aspect of your life. Like being smart or good at school, you'll have to be that nerdy girl who is socially awkward and doesn't know how to make human contact. Or being fashion forward and popular, you'll have to be a total loss at school or a mirror hugging snob. You get one label, and you have to live with it!!
See, people feel more comfortable when they classify other people into "types", it makes it easier for their brains to process them. Before I hit 13, I was that geeky, socially awkward kid, who was probably thought of as a boy with a braid. My mom often told me that girls don't have to be pretty. If you're not pretty, that's because you're smarter than other girls who fitted more within their surrounding. I had little to no contact with mirrors up till I turned 10 or so. It was then that I realized why my mom kept telling me I was special, and why I was being teased and bullied at school by boys and girls alike. I was an ugly kid, but I've never even knew it. Being top of my class for the whole elementary school period made me think that smart is what a girl should be, nothing else, just smart. It was a deformed image of perfection I had of myself. I even laughed at the other girls who hit puberty before me and started to get crushes on boys, so they would tidy up their hair and put a smile on their make-up-less faces when the tween boys were around. Those were the boys that considered me their friend who would help them with their homework, why would I even care how I looked in front of them?!! Princess tales seldom entered our house, I was never told to expect a prince outside my doorstep. I wasn't the one checking the comic page in our weekly newspaper as much as the world affairs and economics page...at 2nd grade!

The ironic thing about this is that the turning point was caused by something ridiculous! We had just moved into a new apartment in a much nicer neighborhood, it had this large mirror decoration in the living room. An entire wall was a mirror. I couldn't help but see my face whenever I went around the house. It was right there, and I didn't like it.
Also cable TV, my first interaction with the world of Disney princesses, pop stars and fashion shows. I started comparing, why wasn't I as glamorous as these actresses, with their touched up hair, awesome clothes and sassy attitudes. Yeah right, I'm the "smart girl". Smart isn't supposed to be pretty! I should be forever confined to that image of the nerdy kid in sneakers and a sweater vest. Now I know why mom used to tell me not all girls are supposed to be pretty, that's simply because I wasn't. Her way of preventing me from being shocked by the reality that I'll never be as good-looking as other girls is that I'm smarter! Okay then, but I didn't choose to be smart, I'd rather be pretty, sociable or funny. I hated it, and started going in the opposite direction. I'd spend extensive hours fixing my frizzy hair into cooler, early 2000's curly styles. I'd save up my allowance to get a new piece of clothing or some accessories. I'd listen to music and get some other girls to listen to it just to have some "friends" with something to talk about. I didn't study, I subconsciously rejected what I had been for what I wanted to become. A girl.

Sometime then, I realized that the image I had of myself and what I wanted to be is a messed-up one. I am not a grotesque creature who doesn't belong to the female gender of the human race, nor do I want to become a TV star or a supermodel. I didn't have to reject what God has gifted me with in order to be popular or accepted. I didn't need to run after an image that doesn't represent who I am.
I look very different now, the shift took a while to happen . I'd be lying if I said that I had ever dreamed of looking so "girl like"! If you had met me at 12, you'll know what I mean ;)

I like to dress up, wear make-up, have friends and get straight A's. It confuses people who like to put labels on other people, it also disappoints some teachers who might think I'm a sell-out for promoting the "non-Marie Curie/ Rosalind Franklin" image of a smart girl. But I admit my life has become much better once I realized I don't have to sacrifice part of my being for another one. I just pray it stays that way!

Smart Barbie

Mood Swings

I admit it, I've been acting like a total 4 year-old this week. The week began terribly with having to spend a whole day outside. I hate the outdoors!! It was pure torture for me. But then it was finding out the results of two quizzes I had taken the week before. Oh God, did I mess up! I was appalled, mostly of myself, I didn't even think I could do this bad. I was a complete wreck by Tuesday.
I have no idea what happened, but suddenly it all went better. Like when you give some candy to the aforementioned 4 year-old after crying hysterically. It probably has something to do with a pep talk given to me by a friend, I was like: "That's it, I'm done"...but then she was like: "Get up on your feet and just don't give a crap about it!" I NEEDED this!
The next day I had yet another quiz, physics this time. I felt pretty terrible before it, but after it was done...well, it was done anyway.
And I hit rock bottom again. A person with whom I've been friends for some time posted on facebook what implies that they just don't care anymore, about anything or anyone (pretty sure it's me at this case). I was angry, for I've been trying to reach out to this person while they just don't. I never wanted it to be like this, it hurts just to talk about it
 Since I decided not to give a crap about anything either, I tried to get my mind off of it. Let me tell you, listening to Gangnam Style by Psy does help, I was just laughing my butt off like an idiot :D
The soundtrack to the week is VERY diverse, ranging from slow, moody, melancholic songs, to upbeat, energetic pop. I'm the kind of girl who listens to Jars Of Clay and Taylor Swift, and I don't think I'd want to change that :))
So, here are the songs that stuck with me. They're on the two sides of the spectrum, but to me they're all good music.

P.s. to listen to any of the songs just click on the play button under the title :)

1. Headphones by Jars Of Clay:

Lyrics:
I don't have to hear it, if I don't want to
I can drown this out, pull the curtains down on you
It's a heavy world, it's too much for me to care
If I close my eyes, it's not there

With my headphones on, with my headphones on
With my headphones on, with my headphones on

We watch television...but the sound is something else
Just a song played against the drama, so the hurt is never felt
I take in the war-fires, and I'm chilled by the current events
It's so hopeless, but there's a pop song in my

Headphones on, in my headphones on
With my headphones on, with my headphones on

At the Tube Stop, you sit down across from me
(I can see you looking back at me)
I think I know you
By the sad eyes that I see
I want to tell you (It's a heavy world)
Everything will be okay
You wouldn't hear it (I don't want to have to hear it)
So we go our separate ways...

With our headphones on, with our headphones on
With our headphones on, with our headphones on
I don't wanna be the one who tries to figure it out
I don't need another reason I should care about you
You don't want to know my story
You don't want to own my pain
Living in a heavy, heavy world
And there's a pop song in my head
I don't want to have to hear it

2. Scenic Route also by Jars Of Clay:

Lyrics:
Don't turn your back on me
Or read in between my words
I'm trying to drag this out
Taking the scenic route

I know we could get there much faster if we wanted to
But that isn't what you and I came here to do

No nails to untie the knots
No veins left to take the shots
No touch to end a fight
Or letting who's wrong be right

We're just sitting like novels we've picked up but never read through
You think you know my ending, I think I know yours, too
You see, nowhere in these old conversations is there anything new

Even though we know the sun will rise
Every ray of light still takes us by, by surprise

Baby, leave it all behind
Baby, leave it all behind
Missed a road sign
I don't want to get home soon
Drive the car all the way around the moon
Baby, we could get lost
We have another state to cross
We could find each other out
Tell our secrets on the scenic route
I don't want to get home soon
Drive the car around the moon
I don't want to crush you or rush you
I'm not going faster if you want to and if you want to
I don't want to rush you or crush you
But I won't go faster if you want to
It's not what we came here to do
I just want to drive
I just want to drive
  
3. Red by Taylor Swift:
 

Lyrics:
Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street
Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly
Loving him is like trying to change your mind once you’re already flying through the free fall
Like the colors in autumn, so bright, just before they lose it all

Losing him was blue, like I’ve never known
Missing him was dark grey, all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
But loving him was red
Loving him was red

Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you
Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song
Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there’s no right answer
Regretting him was like wishing you’d never found out that love could be that strong

Losing him was blue, like I’ve never known
Missing him was dark grey, all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
But loving him was red

Oh, red
Burning red

Remembering him comes in flashbacks, in echoes
Tell myself it’s time now, gotta let go
But moving on from him is impossible when I still see it all in my head
Burning red
Loving him was red

Oh, losing him was blue, like I’ve never known
Missing him was dark grey, all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
‘Cause loving him was red
Yeah, yeah red
Burning red

And that’s why he’s spinning round in my head
Comes back to me, burning red
Yeah, yeah
His love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street

That's it peeps, the stuff I needed to blurt out. I shall go back to being buried alive in books, praying it would all pay off in the end.

Peace, Love and Longing for Perfection :) 

The Hawk In Paris

This is my current obsession. The Hawk In Paris is an electronic pop, 80's inspired music project. They've released two EPs so far, both are awesome. So awesome that the first time I've listened to any of the songs chills were running through my whole body, good kind of chills.
I dare you not to get addicted to this work of art. I never even thought an electronic project would appeal to me in any sort of way, turns out I'm a big sucker for GOOD electronic music. 
Here are some examples, judge for yourselves!

Science Fiction from "His+Hers" EP (2011) : 

Lyrics:
You're a robot army, sent to end my race
Like a sea swallowing cities, I'll be gone without a trace
And in your chronic, most apocalyptic state of mind
You will leave the Earth behind (x2)


Chorus:
'Cause sometimes in the future, the Earth won't spin
Someday, I'll see you floating in

And our love is science, our love is science fiction(x2)

We used up our feelings in a war to gain control
Now there's nothing in the crossfire, and no more stars to follow
We are space-like satellites, and orbits that won't touch
You're missing me so much, and I'm missing you so much

[Chorus]

Bridge:
And I can feel near you the gravity is growing
This transmission isn't showing
And we have a problem, we have a problem
There's nothing we can do to keep our worlds from colliding
Keep our world from colliding

And our love is science, our love is science fiction (repeat)


Put Your Arms Around Me (from the same EP) :
 
Lyrics:
Welcome to the fracture
Here in the the land of broken things
We burned our history lessons 
In the fire of childhood kings
When we run out of ammunition
And we exhaust our last defense
And we go from screams to whispers
This might all make more sense

We've finally disconnected
We are unemotional
And the anthems we are singing
Don't mean anything at all
We're afraid of our conclusions
What we love will kill us first
And the way to tell the difference
From what we hate only makes things worse
 
(Put your arms, your arms around me now)

We are objects without motion
Set this way by force
When our broken hearts give bad ideas
That cause the great divorce
And we found "suburbi-anderthal"
In its natural state
It acts and looks just like us all
But we still don't relate

Rolling windows up in neighborhoods we drive through in our cars
Most days we can avoid them, so things will stay the way they are

Put your arms around me
Put your arms around me now (x2)

Bridge:
I can hear the sounds of violins
In every word you breathe
And the worst of what's become of you
Is what's become of me
I can feel your hands are shaking
While you reach into the night
Don't let go
I'll hold on tight

Put your arms around me
Put your arms around me now (x2)


The New Hello (His)
(there's a Hers version, explains the name of the EP, but this is my favorite version of the song)
 
Lyrics:
(Girls on one side, Boys on the other)
She was falling down the mountain, an avalanche of human stone
As she tumbled to the valley, she thought she’s better off alone
He felt the pressure of a million miles underneath the sea
Still taking in water from a love that couldn’t be

It was girls on one side, boys on the other
No one was dancing or looking for love

Sometimes it’s over before it begins
No one takes a risk and everyone wins
If you love someone, then let them go
‘Cause goodbye is the new hello
The new hello

She was hanging in the shadows, a ghost along the flowered walls
And when she stepped out of the darkness, she thought she'll never love at all
He felt the pressure of a million lies underneath his skin
Still waiting for the courage and the music to begin

It was girls on one side, boys on the other
No one was dancing or looking for love

Sometimes it’s over before it begins
No one takes a risk and everyone wins
If you love someone, then let them go
‘Cause goodbye is the new hello
The new hello

As the boys took the hands of the angels
She watched him frozen to the floor
When the lights slid off of the mirror ball
She couldn't see him anymore
She walked right out the door

Sometimes it’s over before it begins
No one takes a risk and everyone wins
If you love someone, then let them go
‘Cause goodbye is the new hello (x2)

(Girls on one side, Boys on the other)

The lyrics are superb, and singing along is LOTS of fun. Left to add is that the first EP had some slower, sadder songs, the kind you'd listen to after a big break up. I admit I'm not so big into the whole "tormented lover" thing, maybe because I've never really been one. They will be left for another time :D

And now for the big finish. This song was featured on the hit show "Pretty Little Liars", right in the middle of an awesome episode, and from the YouTube comments (and my humble opinion) you could see it fitted like a glove.

Here is Freaks from the "Freaks" EP:

 

 

 Lyrics:

We have a flair for the shade and the in between
We like to run with the wolves from the darker scene
When we turn the safety off, the shots are automatic
All our friends tell their friends we’re so dramatic

We’ll have you wrapped around our trigger finger
Queen bee yellow, you’re the skin for our stinger
We’ll make you swoon, make it hurt just a little
We’re the boys and the girls and the freaks in the middle

We know the halls you walk are unforgiving
It’s not the kind of place to find your place among the living
We have a plan, we’ve got the means for your liberation
You’ll only have to blur the lines on a few occasions

We have you wrapped around our trigger finger
Queen bee yellow, you’re the skin for our stinger
We’ll make you swoon, make you hurt just a little
We’re the boys and the girls and the freaks in the middle
Boys and the girls and the freaks in the middle
Boys and the girls and the freaks in the middle

We have the cure for your crisis never patent pending
If you come along with us the doors are never ending
If you want to rule the world you’ve got to stop pretending
If you want to rule the world you’ve got to stop pretending

See, we’ve got them wrapped around our trigger fingers
Queen bee yellow, they’re the skin for our stingers
We’ll make them swoon, make it hurt just a little
We’re the boys and the girls and the freaks in the middle
Boys and the girls and the freaks in the middle

Alright then, this was what's on my mind right now. Hopefully I'll be posting soon about more stuff, but for now I'm kinda stuck with studying.

And please go check out The Hawk In Paris, you wont regret that!