Nineteen

It feels so weird, too old for the age I long felt stuck in...I always picture myself 16.
I'm not even sure if it's too soon or should have been sooner.
I mean, I take a look at my life now and wonder "When the heck did I grow so old?" Then I look back on every single event, detail, blessing and disaster that took my life and completely altered it over the course of the past 19 years, and I realize that it's 30 years worth of life events I've lived so far!
I don't know whether I should be happy or upset about it.
I do know I'm happy with the over-whelming love I received from almost everyone I know. I feel so blessed by how so many people who are not even this close to me are being nice enough to say such sweet things! But I also know that my birthday is not everyday, and growing up will eventually show its crappy side sooner rather than later. Sigh...
I'm confused about so many things right now, trying to set priorities for my life has never looked to difficult!
I'll just keep praying and talking to God about the mess I call my life for now. It felt much better not having to carry around the weight of my life and trusting Him, before I started taking matters into my own hands.
#GloomiestBirthdayBlogPostEver :/

The Hawk In Paris (Part Deux)

Hey there! You remember the last time I posted about these guys?
Of course you don't. It's probably the first time you've ever heard of them as well. But it's alright, I'm here to the rescue!
You are about to witness the actual definition of awesome music. This is The Hawk In Paris, an electronic music project created and produced by Dan Haseltine (the amazing frontman of Jars of Clay), Matt Bronleewe (the amazing producer) and Jeremy Bose (musical mad scientist of sorts). These guys were friends in college, worked together, separated for ten years then came back to write together again, producing this one of a kind musical project.
It's basically pop music, with heavy electronic influences from 80s bands (Depeche Mode, Massive Attack...etc).
I said it last time I wrote about them; I never thought I'd like electronic music until I first listened to them, I recall the first song I previewed was "The New Hello (His)". I was shocked, then gave it a 2nd and 3rd chance, then got hooked on them for eternity.
I wanted to share with you a song called Beg For Love in the last post. I couldn't because I had obtained the demo version from Dan Haseltine's website, on which he left it available for download for only one day. He didn't wish for it to be spread as I presume, so I didn't post it to my SoundCloud account. That was the demo version.
They had released only two EPs until October 29th when they released their full length album Freaks. It included my dear "Beg For Love"  just with a different bridge instrumental. Needless to say, I was THRILLED!
Much to my joy they also graciously put it up to their SoundCloud account, so there you go. the much sought after: Beg For Love (with the lyrics that I deciphered)

Beg For Love (from their LP, FREAKS)

Lover in waiting out in the winter
You just wanna hold her or she wants just to let go
Will you watch her walk away?
Are you really gonna let her go?
Lie in the circus, forgotten your while
Your voice, over-rated, or she wants just to let go
Will you watch her walk away?
Are you really gonna let her go?

Don't make me beg for love, if I don't want to
Don't make me beg for love

There's a break in the action, a pause in the violin
She's a boat on the ocean, a drift on your silence
Will you watch her float away?
Are you really gonna let her go?
On this occasion, steady breathing is a cleansification
You'll be dead, she'll be leaving
Will you watch her float away?
Are you really gonna let her go?

Don't make me beg for love, if I don't want to
Don't make me beg for love

[bridge]
Don't make her wait, make her wait any longer (x 4)

Don't make me beg for love, if I don't want to
Don't make me beg for love

This next song is also one of my favorites on the album, it's called Wake Me Up. Here's a lyric video I found on YouTube, enjoy!
Wake Me Up (from the LP FREAKS):
That's it, guys! I hope you enjoyed the songs as much I do.
They are currently crowd-funding the release of FREAKS on CD and vinyl, they're almost there. So, check out these links if you're interested in their project:
PledgeMusic Crowd-funding project: Link
FREAKS: On iTunes
FREAKS: On Spotify
My last post: The Hawk In Paris
Freaks + Outcasts EP on NoiseTrade: Link

I'm back

I've been away from the blog for almost two months now. These two months have shaped a good chunk of my future life. I became much more distant from myself in the process. I stopped paying attention to my actions and started to to be a little more "spontaneous", but this kind of spontaneity is not meant for my type of personality.
This blog was kind of an outlet for my feelings and thoughts. Although I thought I could easily substitute the time I gave myself to contemplate and analyze the situations I go through, with casual conversations with people who are close to me...turns out it's impossible. I'm not against opening up to my close friends, I just started to appreciate my "alone time" more now that I don't get enough of it.
I'll try to make my blog posts a regular activity, they allow me a wider space to focus and think about things I'm going through in my life, one thing at a time. Also, I've missed how good it felt to just pour my thoughts into words and formulate them into ideas and then actions. Guess I do lose part of my originality every time I don't give myself the chance to re-center and process the people and situations I go through!
I'll turn 19 next week, and I'll celebrate by reading the blog posts I've written throughout the past year to see how much I've changed. I used to think change was a bad thing, then a good thing, now I know it's just natural.
I'll see if I could give the blog a bit of a revamp, too...celebrating change :)