Can't Erase It

(click the play button to listen to the song :) )

Follow the crowd and love everybody now
'Cause love is the best thing for you now
But you changed your mind, you let everybody down
But down is the best place for you
It's easier that way,
You know it's

So wrong, can't embrace it
Wish sometimes for any other you
But you can't erase it, and you won't escape it

Don't waste your time
Your words only confine you
To all of the things you've buried now
Don't ask them why
Their wisdom will leave you blind
But blind is the best place for you
It's easier I know,
You know it's

So wrong, can't embrace it
Wish sometimes for any other you
But you can't erase it, and you won't escape it

How long will you face it
Till the wait comes crashing down on you
'Cause you can't erase it, and you won't escape it 

I decided to begin the post with this song because, well, it's so true! First of all, it's been a while since I posted on here, or been online at all actually. I've been very busy with school that it didn't leave me time to do virtually anything beside study and sleep. I've been sick for about 3 weeks to a month now, but I think I'm getting better. Anyway, back to the song... I won't be lying if I said that feeling pressed is nowadays the norm, not just for me, but for everybody else around me as well. "You have to" is probably the one thing I hear the most now from my parents, teachers, family...etc. What's that have to do with the song, you ask?! Well, it's pretty obvious that it's about expectations let down, plans gone awry and overall failure to accomplish anything. Which, by the way, is what I feel I've done to everyone around me now. I'm studying to get my GCSEs this year, which is the final high school year or 12th grade. I'm working my butt off so I could get good grades, minimum hours of sleep, no going out, no wasting time, no friends, no nothing!
But lately I have realized that this way I'm killing myself. As I mentioned earlier I'm getting sick a lot, my spirit is not exactly high, even with my friends it's not the same, I'm losing motivation to go on. Part of me says that I can do it, get over all the crap and kick some butt, the other says that even so, I'll still be a loser, that doing something with my life is impossible, that I'm supposed to be average, nothing is special about me nor am I capable of doing something important. These negative thoughts have taken their toll on me. I began doubting whether I could go on or not. But I try to shed them off whenever possible, talk to someone I trust, take their advice, motivate myself, cook something delish, this sort of stuff works.
However, the best I feel is when I'm talking to God about what's bugging me. It's very relieving to know that someone's watching over you even when nobody around you does, this makes me feel so grateful, happy, satisfied. Knowing that amidst the frustrations, the let downs, the falling outs, there's still someone who cares for you, not for what you've done or about to do, but for you...just you.
So, I wake up again, scrubbing my eyes and wishing the day to be over already, I might mess up big time, make someone mad at me, lose my mind over something stupid...but in the end C'est La Vie, and I can't erase it!