I initially thought of writing this as a Facebook post, I don't know why, but I have seemingly forgotten I have a blog. It's been over a month since I posted on here. This particular month witnessed tons of changes in my life, the first of which is that I got accepted into college! I also went on vacation, made a few new friends, and had fights with old ones, then reconciled with them...or whatnot.
I'll get to the point of the post. I believe every human being on the face of this earth suffers from some kind of insecurity. Be it their appearance, intelligence, sociability, people they're related to...etc. What truly differentiates calm, collected people, from panicky, freaked out people is their ability to manage their insecurities. Some people like to hide how they feel towards the points of lack or weakness they have, while others make it more obvious, whether to earn people's sympathy, to justify their failings or any other reason I might not be aware of. Though genetics may have a hand in the level of insecurity one has, I'm a firm believer that their surroundings are responsible for the majority of the problems this insecurity causes. Social networks are guilty of being a big part of it. Remember that one time when you were home, bored, sitting on your couch in sweat pants, and you decide to check your Facebook, only to see pictures of your friends smiling, happy, on vacation, triumphant and with a partner. While you feel lonely, lost, a failure, bored and alone. Remember how it made you feel to watch an insane sum of "likes" on your classmate's, colleague's or friend's picture, while yours only has a handful? I'll tell you what I felt like then: an outsider, dissatisfied with what I own, unpopular, ugly, not enough, repulsive, alien...oh, the list goes on.
I once thought that people would treat me nicely if I was nice to them, that if I have a good looking profile picture my "friends" would click like, that I can get people's good attention with a well-thought, well-written post on whatever social network it is, so that they might share it with their friends. But man, was I wrong!
I don't have to be "nice", I just have to act like I don't give a heck about whoever is talking to me, ignore them all I want, sound as cheeky and sassy as possible, and people would luuuuv me for it! The number of likes on my profile picture is directly proportional to the amount of skin I'm showing, or how crazy my pose is, or how "popular" I am in real life, even if the picture is terrible! I won't get people's attention to an important matter, I just have to write like: "OMG, worst day of mah lyf!" or a more typical "You don't deserve the attention I give you!" or the classic "I've got nothing left to lose..." in order to get 50 likes in 15 minutes!
Life is absurd, and social networks capture its absurdity on the highest level possible.
So, I quit trying to be popular. I've had enough with the pain and insecurity it causes me to see how different I am wired from the mold of a "popular girl". I don't want to dumb myself down in order to get the "likes" of the lowest common denominator! I won't judge how pretty my picture is by the number of likes or comments it gets, or how witty my one liner is by how many people retweeted or favorited it. I might return to my shell and get back to being the socially awkward nerdy girl no-one was friends with, but it'll be much better than trying to cope with what it takes to be the "it girl"!
I'll get to the point of the post. I believe every human being on the face of this earth suffers from some kind of insecurity. Be it their appearance, intelligence, sociability, people they're related to...etc. What truly differentiates calm, collected people, from panicky, freaked out people is their ability to manage their insecurities. Some people like to hide how they feel towards the points of lack or weakness they have, while others make it more obvious, whether to earn people's sympathy, to justify their failings or any other reason I might not be aware of. Though genetics may have a hand in the level of insecurity one has, I'm a firm believer that their surroundings are responsible for the majority of the problems this insecurity causes. Social networks are guilty of being a big part of it. Remember that one time when you were home, bored, sitting on your couch in sweat pants, and you decide to check your Facebook, only to see pictures of your friends smiling, happy, on vacation, triumphant and with a partner. While you feel lonely, lost, a failure, bored and alone. Remember how it made you feel to watch an insane sum of "likes" on your classmate's, colleague's or friend's picture, while yours only has a handful? I'll tell you what I felt like then: an outsider, dissatisfied with what I own, unpopular, ugly, not enough, repulsive, alien...oh, the list goes on.
I once thought that people would treat me nicely if I was nice to them, that if I have a good looking profile picture my "friends" would click like, that I can get people's good attention with a well-thought, well-written post on whatever social network it is, so that they might share it with their friends. But man, was I wrong!
I don't have to be "nice", I just have to act like I don't give a heck about whoever is talking to me, ignore them all I want, sound as cheeky and sassy as possible, and people would luuuuv me for it! The number of likes on my profile picture is directly proportional to the amount of skin I'm showing, or how crazy my pose is, or how "popular" I am in real life, even if the picture is terrible! I won't get people's attention to an important matter, I just have to write like: "OMG, worst day of mah lyf!" or a more typical "You don't deserve the attention I give you!" or the classic "I've got nothing left to lose..." in order to get 50 likes in 15 minutes!
Life is absurd, and social networks capture its absurdity on the highest level possible.
So, I quit trying to be popular. I've had enough with the pain and insecurity it causes me to see how different I am wired from the mold of a "popular girl". I don't want to dumb myself down in order to get the "likes" of the lowest common denominator! I won't judge how pretty my picture is by the number of likes or comments it gets, or how witty my one liner is by how many people retweeted or favorited it. I might return to my shell and get back to being the socially awkward nerdy girl no-one was friends with, but it'll be much better than trying to cope with what it takes to be the "it girl"!
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