Answers

"The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything."

-Oscar Wilde

I knew everything.

I had all the answers to every question that could cross my mind as a 17-year-old, as an 18-year-old I could profess a faith in innumerable things that I just knew to be true. I was not shaken, weak or unsure. Everything aligned perfectly with my worldview.

But then I grew up.

The questions got harder and kept piling up. The pressures arose and I tried to fumble for my faith that was only as big as the questions I once had as a 17-year-old. Nothing worked like it was supposed to. I was left confused, unsure of whom to believe. The way my faith was built on people's perceptions of things failed me miserably, because people. They change, they fall, they get their own difficult questions that they fail to answer.

I became infuriated, filled with rage and scorn over the loss of my precious peace of mind. Nothing and no-one could sedate me. I needed my answers. I needed my peace. I just lacked the patience and perseverance to look around for some.

Now I'm numb. I'm waiting for something to happen to change the way I live. I miss my answers and my peace of mind, but I don't have much of a fight left in me...