Being a girl is tough. I can go on all day about sexism and gender inequality, but what would I be adding to a debate as old as time?! I'll just talk about a side of it that I see girls my age suffer from. What is it? Well, it's the "YOU GIRL, YOU DO ONE THING WELL, ONE THING ONLY" type.
YES, I do get the frequent stares and hums when I raise my hands in class and answer a question correctly. Yes, people don't get over the fact that although I take care of how I look I can still be a good student. And what surprises me most is that these people might be other girls my age who don't get the whole picture. As if to be actually good at something, you'll have to sacrifice every other aspect of your life. Like being smart or good at school, you'll have to be that nerdy girl who is socially awkward and doesn't know how to make human contact. Or being fashion forward and popular, you'll have to be a total loss at school or a mirror hugging snob. You get one label, and you have to live with it!!
See, people feel more comfortable when they classify other people into "types", it makes it easier for their brains to process them. Before I hit 13, I was that geeky, socially awkward kid, who was probably thought of as a boy with a braid. My mom often told me that girls don't have to be pretty. If you're not pretty, that's because you're smarter than other girls who fitted more within their surrounding. I had little to no contact with mirrors up till I turned 10 or so. It was then that I realized why my mom kept telling me I was special, and why I was being teased and bullied at school by boys and girls alike. I was an ugly kid, but I've never even knew it. Being top of my class for the whole elementary school period made me think that smart is what a girl should be, nothing else, just smart. It was a deformed image of perfection I had of myself. I even laughed at the other girls who hit puberty before me and started to get crushes on boys, so they would tidy up their hair and put a smile on their make-up-less faces when the tween boys were around. Those were the boys that considered me their friend who would help them with their homework, why would I even care how I looked in front of them?!! Princess tales seldom entered our house, I was never told to expect a prince outside my doorstep. I wasn't the one checking the comic page in our weekly newspaper as much as the world affairs and economics page...at 2nd grade!
The ironic thing about this is that the turning point was caused by something ridiculous! We had just moved into a new apartment in a much nicer neighborhood, it had this large mirror decoration in the living room. An entire wall was a mirror. I couldn't help but see my face whenever I went around the house. It was right there, and I didn't like it.
Also cable TV, my first interaction with the world of Disney princesses, pop stars and fashion shows. I started comparing, why wasn't I as glamorous as these actresses, with their touched up hair, awesome clothes and sassy attitudes. Yeah right, I'm the "smart girl". Smart isn't supposed to be pretty! I should be forever confined to that image of the nerdy kid in sneakers and a sweater vest. Now I know why mom used to tell me not all girls are supposed to be pretty, that's simply because I wasn't. Her way of preventing me from being shocked by the reality that I'll never be as good-looking as other girls is that I'm smarter! Okay then, but I didn't choose to be smart, I'd rather be pretty, sociable or funny. I hated it, and started going in the opposite direction. I'd spend extensive hours fixing my frizzy hair into cooler, early 2000's curly styles. I'd save up my allowance to get a new piece of clothing or some accessories. I'd listen to music and get some other girls to listen to it just to have some "friends" with something to talk about. I didn't study, I subconsciously rejected what I had been for what I wanted to become. A girl.
Sometime then, I realized that the image I had of myself and what I wanted to be is a messed-up one. I am not a grotesque creature who doesn't belong to the female gender of the human race, nor do I want to become a TV star or a supermodel. I didn't have to reject what God has gifted me with in order to be popular or accepted. I didn't need to run after an image that doesn't represent who I am.
I look very different now, the shift took a while to happen . I'd be lying if I said that I had ever dreamed of looking so "girl like"! If you had met me at 12, you'll know what I mean ;)
I like to dress up, wear make-up, have friends and get straight A's. It confuses people who like to put labels on other people, it also disappoints some teachers who might think I'm a sell-out for promoting the "non-Marie Curie/ Rosalind Franklin" image of a smart girl. But I admit my life has become much better once I realized I don't have to sacrifice part of my being for another one. I just pray it stays that way!
YES, I do get the frequent stares and hums when I raise my hands in class and answer a question correctly. Yes, people don't get over the fact that although I take care of how I look I can still be a good student. And what surprises me most is that these people might be other girls my age who don't get the whole picture. As if to be actually good at something, you'll have to sacrifice every other aspect of your life. Like being smart or good at school, you'll have to be that nerdy girl who is socially awkward and doesn't know how to make human contact. Or being fashion forward and popular, you'll have to be a total loss at school or a mirror hugging snob. You get one label, and you have to live with it!!
See, people feel more comfortable when they classify other people into "types", it makes it easier for their brains to process them. Before I hit 13, I was that geeky, socially awkward kid, who was probably thought of as a boy with a braid. My mom often told me that girls don't have to be pretty. If you're not pretty, that's because you're smarter than other girls who fitted more within their surrounding. I had little to no contact with mirrors up till I turned 10 or so. It was then that I realized why my mom kept telling me I was special, and why I was being teased and bullied at school by boys and girls alike. I was an ugly kid, but I've never even knew it. Being top of my class for the whole elementary school period made me think that smart is what a girl should be, nothing else, just smart. It was a deformed image of perfection I had of myself. I even laughed at the other girls who hit puberty before me and started to get crushes on boys, so they would tidy up their hair and put a smile on their make-up-less faces when the tween boys were around. Those were the boys that considered me their friend who would help them with their homework, why would I even care how I looked in front of them?!! Princess tales seldom entered our house, I was never told to expect a prince outside my doorstep. I wasn't the one checking the comic page in our weekly newspaper as much as the world affairs and economics page...at 2nd grade!
The ironic thing about this is that the turning point was caused by something ridiculous! We had just moved into a new apartment in a much nicer neighborhood, it had this large mirror decoration in the living room. An entire wall was a mirror. I couldn't help but see my face whenever I went around the house. It was right there, and I didn't like it.
Also cable TV, my first interaction with the world of Disney princesses, pop stars and fashion shows. I started comparing, why wasn't I as glamorous as these actresses, with their touched up hair, awesome clothes and sassy attitudes. Yeah right, I'm the "smart girl". Smart isn't supposed to be pretty! I should be forever confined to that image of the nerdy kid in sneakers and a sweater vest. Now I know why mom used to tell me not all girls are supposed to be pretty, that's simply because I wasn't. Her way of preventing me from being shocked by the reality that I'll never be as good-looking as other girls is that I'm smarter! Okay then, but I didn't choose to be smart, I'd rather be pretty, sociable or funny. I hated it, and started going in the opposite direction. I'd spend extensive hours fixing my frizzy hair into cooler, early 2000's curly styles. I'd save up my allowance to get a new piece of clothing or some accessories. I'd listen to music and get some other girls to listen to it just to have some "friends" with something to talk about. I didn't study, I subconsciously rejected what I had been for what I wanted to become. A girl.
Sometime then, I realized that the image I had of myself and what I wanted to be is a messed-up one. I am not a grotesque creature who doesn't belong to the female gender of the human race, nor do I want to become a TV star or a supermodel. I didn't have to reject what God has gifted me with in order to be popular or accepted. I didn't need to run after an image that doesn't represent who I am.
I look very different now, the shift took a while to happen . I'd be lying if I said that I had ever dreamed of looking so "girl like"! If you had met me at 12, you'll know what I mean ;)
I like to dress up, wear make-up, have friends and get straight A's. It confuses people who like to put labels on other people, it also disappoints some teachers who might think I'm a sell-out for promoting the "non-Marie Curie/ Rosalind Franklin" image of a smart girl. But I admit my life has become much better once I realized I don't have to sacrifice part of my being for another one. I just pray it stays that way!
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| Smart Barbie |
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