A lot has been happening to me recently, especially in the last couple of years. practically nothing I'd known about myself or about the people around me stayed the same. the way people treat me and the way I treat them back, my attitude towards certain subjects, my taste in music, even my appearance has changed. it's just a bit confusing to me, how can ALOT change in such a small period of time, is it even possible? or am I delusional? I have no idea.
I started thinking about this in the light of a friendship that started in summer 2011, it was amazing how much me and this friend had in common...we'd talk for hours and hours and not get bored, our likes and dislikes were almost identical, I even remember one time we had taken a quiz and we got the same score, the funny thing is that we got the same question wrong choosing the very same wrong choice! connecting with this friend was something special, we helped each other get through lots of rough times and we always counted on each other to be there.
However, it didn't stay this way. we kind or started drifting apart, we'd go for almost two weeks without chatting on Facebook or even saying hi. the weird thing is that when asked, this friend says it's just being busy that's keeping us apart and that we'd go back to our "norm" if we got the chance. I just simply don't get it. they say that if people want you in their lives they'd walk the distance to find you amidst their everyday business. I fear that we don't do this anymore. part of the blame surely lies on me, the problem is that I have some sort of a repulsive force against people, even the people I love the most, I'd say something stupid or insensitive and than they're gone, or even not say anything at all, because sometimes it's the only reason one wants to leave; not getting enough attention. I tried to start conversations, but I guess if the other half is unwilling to talk it will be completely fruitless.
The thing I fear the most is that I might be over-analyzing things, and that this person wants to be my friend as much as I do, it's just hard for me to watch people walk away from my life one after the other while questioning the reasons why, and doubting that I could be the problem in the first place.
Here's a song that pops into my head every time I think about this,
I started thinking about this in the light of a friendship that started in summer 2011, it was amazing how much me and this friend had in common...we'd talk for hours and hours and not get bored, our likes and dislikes were almost identical, I even remember one time we had taken a quiz and we got the same score, the funny thing is that we got the same question wrong choosing the very same wrong choice! connecting with this friend was something special, we helped each other get through lots of rough times and we always counted on each other to be there.
However, it didn't stay this way. we kind or started drifting apart, we'd go for almost two weeks without chatting on Facebook or even saying hi. the weird thing is that when asked, this friend says it's just being busy that's keeping us apart and that we'd go back to our "norm" if we got the chance. I just simply don't get it. they say that if people want you in their lives they'd walk the distance to find you amidst their everyday business. I fear that we don't do this anymore. part of the blame surely lies on me, the problem is that I have some sort of a repulsive force against people, even the people I love the most, I'd say something stupid or insensitive and than they're gone, or even not say anything at all, because sometimes it's the only reason one wants to leave; not getting enough attention. I tried to start conversations, but I guess if the other half is unwilling to talk it will be completely fruitless.
The thing I fear the most is that I might be over-analyzing things, and that this person wants to be my friend as much as I do, it's just hard for me to watch people walk away from my life one after the other while questioning the reasons why, and doubting that I could be the problem in the first place.
Here's a song that pops into my head every time I think about this,
The Chronicles of Narnia Soundtrack - 01 - Jars of Clay - Waiting For the World to Fall
Lyrics:
I'm afraid it's been too long to try to find the reasons why
I let my world close in around a smaller patch of fading sky
But now I've grown beyond the walls to where I've never been
And it's still winter in my wonderland
I'm waiting for the world to fall
I'm waiting for the scene to change
I'm waiting when the colors come
I'm waiting to let my world come undone
I close my eyes and try to see the world unbroken underneath
The farther off and already it just might make the life I lead
A little more than make-believe when all my skies are painted blue
And the clouds don't ever change the shape of who I am to You
I'm waiting for the world to fall
I'm waiting for the scene to change
I'm waiting when the colors come
I'm waiting to let my world come undone
When I catch the light of falling stars my view is changing me
My view is changing me
No comments:
Post a Comment
What do you think?