An Open Letter to...

You're not perfect. You're not the person you want to be. Your way of stopping yourself from becoming what you were in the past is to remind yourself every single day you're a bad person, to guilt yourself into mazes of allegedly deserved worthlessness, to believe there's no other way to redeem yourself other than living in the shame and shadows of your past, and sometimes to think you're lost beyond relief; you lose hope.

I don't fully understand you. I constantly failed to help you as I simply couldn't, because I'm not perfect either. I'm still naive when it comes to people, I still have the savior complex and I actually believe I can change people and help the world to not suck so much. It's all so stupid and childish of me, but it's especially heartbreaking when I saw you were so lost and was unable to help you. Hearing you tell me you're depressed and not being able to tell you everything will be alright almost made me cry in public. All you asked of me is to not worry about you, but I just can't.

I can't save you, and I can't not care. So here I am stuck in the middle of these two facts, feeling so little and so helpless, missing you and praying both of us will be alright.

Forgive yourself, and forgive me.

On Misogyny and Objectification of Women (January 15th, 2014)

"Sexual objectification of women has become more than prevalent, whether women seek being the ideal "object" by dressing scantily and showing their bodies to get attention, or "preserving" their bodies against their wish, just because they've been told to view it as a commodity that goes bad by being looked at.

To the women/girls out there: Your body is your medium of going out there and being active in the world. Learning, working and making your surroundings better. It's not anyone's business what you choose to wear but your own. And as a woman, you should take pride in the image God has created you as. You're not made to please any other human being if it does not include your own pleasure.

To the men out there: False empowerment it is to feel you're superior to the other sex. God has created you as equals in everything; you complement each other. Leaning on the pillar that women are weaker than you, and therefore should submit to your image of them will eventually leave you hurt. Why, you ask? Because there are women out there who are much stronger and much more able than you would expect. Women who changed and continue to change the world they live in for the better. So, you can't always rely on being "stronger" as an excuse for their objectification. And I dare ask you to stop exploiting the lack of self-esteem that many women around you have, and start empowering them instead."

I wrote that part after watching a TEDx talk about objectification through "sexiness". Now, since that kind of objectification is quite abhorred where I live, the opposite kind is the first prize winner here: forceful chastising and condemning of any kind representation of female sexuality (except of course, in "art" where most objectification is Type 1).
The problem with women is that they spent so many years thinking their worth is tied to them being sexy things, whether made to gratify the lust of men by being perfectly ogle-able statuettes, or to curb it by dressing in a certain way that allows no temptation to befall the men. So we can say the idea stuck.

However, women were not created for men, women were created to be with men. That means a woman's role as a human being is to live, I dare say equal to and the same as the way a man does!
Girls, your role is to envision a life for yourself that's comprised of your own hopes and dreams, your own adventures and mishaps, your own mistakes and lessons learned, because frankly, the rules forcefully imposed on you for your "protection" have successfully failed to protect many other women who followed them word by word.

That means that "what she was wearing" does not justify her being raped.
It also means that although in Afghanistan the women are covered head to toe quite literally, they still suffer the world's highest sexual harassment rates, often justified by -wait for it- how a woman is walking!
It means that my beloved country back in the 60s and 70s was more accepting of a miniskirt than it is now of a girl walking without Hijab, and in many a case (one of which happened before my very eyes) women wearing Niqab are ogled and groped while walking down the street!
It means that every time you are blamed for something because you're a woman, you are blamed for NOTHING you have done. In fact, you're blamed for being the way you were born, which is the most absurd form of discrimination, and quite horrifically, the oldest..

Misogyny's worst proponents are the women who believe they deserve it. So, next time you see a woman working to support her family while her deadbeat husband dozes off at home still scared of divorce, next time you see a woman accepting to be belittled by a lower ranking male employee just because she's a woman, and next time you see a mother passing down demeaning ideas to her daughter on sexuality, patriarchy, body image or self-worth...do something.

Rantings with tears in my eyes

Why do we do this? why do we pick out differences and search for things that cause us to fight and argue and have battles and kill each other?
Why does the whole human race indulge in violence, oppression, murder, destruction of everything pure and beautiful?
Did God intend for things to be this way?
Did he command people to kill whoever doesn't agree with them?
Did he want to see all the bloodshed and the struggle to spread dominion over worthless pieces of land, or assertion of nationalities or religions?
Did he want everyone to be the same?
So why don't genocides work?
Why don't we all look the same, think the same, act the same?
Is there something wrong with being different from your friends, your coworkers, the person you love?
Is there some kind of curse of eternal damnation that befalls whoever thinks of ignoring differences and focusing on the commonalities?
Does God want that?
Then what does He want?

The Lie of Growing up

Yep. It's a lie.
People grow tired, grow apart, grow indifferent, but never grow "up".
It was a term coined for growing old, but getting old does not necessitate "up"-grading your status as a human being. In fact, most people get older without changing much of their personality, most likely acquired throughout their childhood and teenage years. They "grow" one of the aforementioned things, but never "up."

I know I sound stupid/too philosophical, but try and hear me out for a second. How many of us are living a life now that is basically an incarnation of our parents' hopes for us when they were kids?
Alright, these are the unlucky bunch.
Now, how many of us are living "their dream"? Lucky people, eh?
Well, looks like both are trapped now in the expectations that held them as little kids, whether their parents' or theirs. Which is unfortunate, I mean, it only proves that none of us has really grown up, and that who we are now is a larger, less excited, less intuitive version of ourselves as kids. One that's more prone to illness and mental instability. One that has loved and lost, experienced innumerable disappointments, inflicted pain and was afflicted by it; a shattered version of our true selves.

If that's what growing up means, it should have been called "growing anything-else-but-up".

Innocence

Why do I always wish I could get younger?
I find a million reasons crammed inside my tiny head, ranging from things as superficial as the fine lines on my forehead I've been getting since I turned 16, to the depths of wanting to do over whole experiences that stole parts of my faith in the world and in myself...
A big reason comes to mind, though. It's the innocence we all lose as part of growing up.
Some people define innocence as not having committed any faults; being blameless. Others define it as not knowing evils of the world; being pure-hearted and maybe a little naive. Although I find myself gravitating towards the second definition, I sure know where the first argument is coming from. But having been indoctrinated since I was a little child that shutting out evil is the best way to avoid committing it, it's still hard for me to accept that evil thoughts are not a sin if they were aborted and not turned into sinful acts.

Innocence is an elusive value. Everyone has found out in their own way that once it's lost it can never be found again. Some still try to get it back, hopelessly so, even when all their desperate attempts fail miserably. While some still go out of their way to get rid of it, as if it was some kind of rookie marking that shows they weren't "experienced" enough.

I know whoever seeks innocence does so as a last refuge from guilt. I know guilt is a destructive feeling as I've seen its effect on so many people including myself. It eats away the heart and mind of the person experiencing it, leaving the remnant torn and in a helpless state. I know how a soul longs for liberation from the control of despair, and how the slightest glimpse of hope and acceptance shines so brightly like the light at the end of the tunnel. I know all that because I've seen it.
But I also know that look in the eyes of the old and wise, who know that all still tumble and get their innocence robes filthy. They know it's the course of all humanity, it's inevitable. They chuckle at the sight of a person still trying to save their image of the world and of their self unharmed, fighting the scarring and disturbing experiences they go through.
It's disheartening...

I have one last question: If losing innocence is the final destination, why take the long, hard way there?