When we stop saying "No"...

This isn't about peer pressure as you might have guessed from the title. I'm writing about what happens when we stop saying no to our own selves.
So, we're creatures who seek comfort and convenience wherever those may be. I'd like to think that my laziness is a shared misery with everyone else out there, and I guess it is. We seek the shortest/easiest way to our destinations, we choose flats over high heels (unless it's more rewarding to wear heels ;)), and we like to avoid confusing situations where we feel uncomfortable. It's all normal to be for this and against that; it makes sense.

However, sometimes the most natural and normal way out of a situation is contradictory to a principle one is in full conviction with. Sometimes lying to a teacher or professor or boss is the only way that's won't get you into trouble in a sticky situation, or giving into the temptation to eat that last slice of pizza although you're already full and on a diet. Sometimes checking out that girl in an extra tight, low cut top seems like the only possible option, or hurting a person whether emotionally or physically in retaliation of something they did to you just feels right.

The examples I've cited are related to different forms of conviction, they're either beliefs, morals, or just plain old situations where self-control is needed. The only thing in common is that if you react "normally" you'd realize that it was not correct, but that doesn't stop you.

Okay, so it happened once. Now what?

People vary in reacting to their failure to keep up with the standards they put (or believe were put) for themselves. Some people realize they failed to keep up with the standard and feel a pinch of guilt that prevents them from repeating the shortcoming. Other people experience what is called Cognitive dissonance, defined as:

1. the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.

which, in simpler words, means that they start to have second thoughts about their "already there" beliefs and attitudes. They start questioning whether their worldview was right, and how -if so- it failed to keep them in line with their own expectations of themselves.

So what happens when a person doesn't stop and say "No" to their own head when it starts having this kind of thoughts? What happens when a person almost trips into failing to keep their standards, but doesn't say "No" to themselves?

It doesn't feel overly weird at first. It feels quite normal to just go through life like that without holding yourself accountable for every thought and action that comes out of you. But little by little you start noticing your own behavioral changes; a slight increase in selfishness, more disregard of other people's opinion -even the ones you see as close, even more questioning of those beliefs with a slight partiality to what you see as most compatible to your actions. You start surrounding yourself with people who are stuck in the same loop. And ultimately, you start forming new beliefs to replace the old, obsolete ones.

It feels quite different to pull yourself out from the first step than from the last. Some people realize there's no hope at all in regaining their lost standards and decide to stick to their new ones out of comfort and/or convenience.

A repetition of this cycle produces an unstable person, someone who doesn't know exactly where they stand, and more often a person with a shifting moral code and ergo, shifting personality.

Judgement

Yeah, yeah, yeah...you've heard it all and read it all about how unfair the world is when it comes to judging others, how wronged you feel you have been by people around you who just don't understand. I for one have always felt the prey when it comes to the judgement game, while in fact I was judging others when I didn't have the right to. I felt superior to the people I didn't give grace to, like I would NEVER do what I judged them on terms of, as if I was the only infallible human being there has ever existed. It kind of substituted for the lack of righteousness I suffer from, so when I picked others' faults and failings I would automatically feel better than them. I shouldn't have done that. I should have given excuses to the people who needed them instead of picking out what's wrong with them. But I know now how wrong I was to block grace out of my everyday encounters with people, that I should look to God asking for forgiveness only after I have forgiven those who wronged me...it takes tons of effort, but I'm praying for strength and perseverance to do that.

They Told Me to: "Have A Life"

Okay, this is my very first "request post" on this blog. I have an Ask.fm account on which I receive questions about everything related to my very interesting life *sarcasm font*. It's a way to spend (or kill) time in my very interesting summer vacation. I received this question about my blog, which denotes the existence of an anonymous fan to this blog. Although I have about 3000 views already, I do not hear from anyone reading it except for some personal friends who offer their valuable feedback. So, I was very excited, to be honest. That "fan" did request I write about "Having a life". Here's how they requested it:

Ok then,there's some words that keeps echoing in my mind..."Have a life".you know,when someone spend his whole day on the internet chatting with his friends & playing facebook games he has to "have a life".I need you to write an article about this subject.how can someone have a life in your opinion?

 So, I will talk to you personally about the subject, pal. People think that having a life is to not spend your whole day on the interwebz? It sounds logical that spending time staring at a screen won't do you any good. I'll have to disagree there. Although our culture emphasizes the importance of having face to face communication and relationships with people, there are many many people who can not function properly in this system.
 You have shy people who are not willing to be the first to break the ice in a conversation. They normally fumble and hesitate to talk to people they've just met. Their only solution is to get to know these people first by having nice conversations on social media websites and trying to practice what will engage them better in a chat.
 Then you have gaming nerds, and nerd here is by no means an insult. These people love to spend their time living in a CGI world of their own. That's what they like to spend their time doing, so why rob them of this pleasure. Aren't they allowed to enjoy a fun game that does not require a physique they don't have? Or should they try and play on the field and get hurt, bruised and smashed by the "big kids".
 Our next category is by far my favorite, "The Coders". These people are the epitome of the human brain. I personally wish I were gifted with the ability to understand, yet memorize complex codes and protocols. These people are the "lifeless nerds" who allow you to own the latest and the greatest of technological contraptions. They spend countless hours staring at screens to develop and improve the quality of consumer electronics you take for granted. Aren't they missing out? Not a bit! You should see how Mark Zuckerberg is missing out with all the multi millions he has.
 I will speak of experience on the next one. I've been a literary geek since I was about 12. My favorite thing was to sit and read a book. And since I was an avid English literature reader, libraries and bookstores didn't help me much. What would I do, then? I'd search for free e-books and read them, read articles and blogs online...etc. This means that without my precious computer, I wouldn't have been able to keep this blog or write at all. So, if I were to choose whether to have "a life" or a computer...you know what I'd pick.

So, there ya go, pal! I'm sorry if this blog post doesn't go with what you think. After all, I keep this blog to express my humble opinions and rant about my personal issues.

Perfection Interrupted: Perfection vs. Individuality

I thought about writing this while having a conversation with my English teacher. I'm mere days away from starting my high school finals, which will eventually determine the university I'll go to. My teacher said that my dilemma of losing marks and half-marks, which eventually lead to a series of A-'s and B's is mainly because of creativity. Now, I'm not creative as in writing down stuff that does not have anything to do with what I'm being taught, nor was he saying this as a way of reprimanding me. I just figured that I try -sometimes subconsciously- to make it obvious I did something. I have to leave a mark on whatever I'm doing. I am individualistic.
This is a challenge in the "one size fits all" system of life I live in, especially when trying so hard to be "perfect."
Being perfect doesn't always mean being the best, but "perfect" does imply that to people sometimes. I struggle to meet the expectations of people around me when I'm not so sure what they expect from me. This is why I long for perfection. Because we all know that the superlative of anything is the clearest form of said thing. I try to be the superlative, and when I fall short, I feel like a failure.
Back to individuality, aka uniqueness or just being different. I don't like being like someone else, none of us does actually. Even the most conventional thinkers try to have a signature way of showing it. God created us in a way that it's impossible for two people to be alike, regardless of how similar they are, they cannot be identical by nature. We, on the other hand, set up standards and molds and labels to put on people so that their uniqueness doesn't bother us. And some submit to the box they've been given to live inside. Personally, I have been trying so hard to fit in the very narrow box of "perfect" for most of my life. I have only recently realized that I'll have no personality of my own if I kept trying to squeeze every last bit of my creativity and individuality into that box.
See, the pattern from the beginning of time till say the 1970s had been to just conform to the standards and be like everybody else. Be different and brace yourself for being called a witch, a clown, a traitor, an idiot, stupid, pointless or helpless. Refer to history for confirmation.
Artists, thinkers, poets and musicians have been outcasts for affirming individuality. Even now, in the age of "freedom of expression" where everyone with a good camera phone is a photographer, and every idiot with a blog is a writer, and every guy with a guitar is a musician, real artists are still outcasts, because their voice is not auto-tuned, because their articles have spelling mistakes, because their paintings are not easy to understand, because their art is not "perfect."
Alas, we ruined both perfection and individuality.
I don't even know whether it is possible for longing for perfection and individuality to reconcile anyway.
Oh, well.

Never Too Young

Maturity has an age. Knowing God has an age. Spontaneity has an age. Oblivion has an age. Screwing up has an age. Wisdom has an age. Believing has an age.

So everything is age restricted. We have set up a system where by a definite age you should have certain characters or behave in a certain manner, or even look a certain way.
Never color outside those lines, or else you'd be socially unacceptable.
Just stick with what everybody else your age is doing and you'll be fine.
That's not age appropriate, you shouldn't (fill in the blank: speak, dress, act, feel) that way!
Stop acting like a little kid!
Why are you talking like you're 50?! Just act your age!

I get the fact that we grow up. I also get the fact that it's a pace-controlled process, not everyone "gets it" at the same age. But why is it that we don't perceive those differences in pace closely, that we might actually find flaws in our system? I'll break it down to you...we do.
It's quite impossible that I'd be the only one ever having difficulty in seeing why I am different.
If there's one thing I know, it's that everyone needs to break out from their age range once in a while.
There's gotta be a time when you feel like acting like a kid again. Or if you're a kid, you feel like handling one of life's serious questions. Only to find yourself getting laughed at in both cases.
I can't even count how many times I've seen someone my age speaking with maturity about a spiritual or social matter without hearing comments on how young they are. Sometimes these comments are meant to ridicule their opinions, sometimes they just marvel at their "untimely" wisdom.
I understand that life gives you experience. But living life yourself is not the only way to get it.
Reading, reflecting, listening, feeling and simply paying attention to life can grant you "wisdom beyond your years."
Some people live for years and still be immature, naive, inexperienced and oblivious. While others can attain maturity, spirituality and wisdom at a very young age. Both groups live life, but some make the most of it, while others let it pass by.
So, waiting to be a certain age to seek the truth, God and knowledge of your inner self is fine. Just you know that you could die now without seeing a side in life that you missed on purpose.
I'm definitely not saying you should try and act older than you are. I'm saying that with seeing the beauty of the present moment and age you're living, try and take a glimpse of life, experience  the thrill of unraveling truth.
Don't wait till you're an old person to reflect upon life. Do it now.