Yeah, yeah, yeah...you've heard it all and read it all about how unfair the world is when it comes to judging others, how wronged you feel you have been by people around you who just don't understand. I for one have always felt the prey when it comes to the judgement game, while in fact I was judging others when I didn't have the right to. I felt superior to the people I didn't give grace to, like I would NEVER do what I judged them on terms of, as if I was the only infallible human being there has ever existed. It kind of substituted for the lack of righteousness I suffer from, so when I picked others' faults and failings I would automatically feel better than them. I shouldn't have done that. I should have given excuses to the people who needed them instead of picking out what's wrong with them. But I know now how wrong I was to block grace out of my everyday encounters with people, that I should look to God asking for forgiveness only after I have forgiven those who wronged me...it takes tons of effort, but I'm praying for strength and perseverance to do that.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Judgement
Friday, August 16, 2013
They Told Me to: "Have A Life"
Okay, this is my very first "request post" on this blog. I have an Ask.fm account on which I receive questions about everything related to my very interesting life *sarcasm font*. It's a way to spend (or kill) time in my very interesting summer vacation. I received this question about my blog, which denotes the existence of an anonymous fan to this blog. Although I have about 3000 views already, I do not hear from anyone reading it except for some personal friends who offer their valuable feedback. So, I was very excited, to be honest. That "fan" did request I write about "Having a life". Here's how they requested it:
You have shy people who are not willing to be the first to break the ice in a conversation. They normally fumble and hesitate to talk to people they've just met. Their only solution is to get to know these people first by having nice conversations on social media websites and trying to practice what will engage them better in a chat.
Then you have gaming nerds, and nerd here is by no means an insult. These people love to spend their time living in a CGI world of their own. That's what they like to spend their time doing, so why rob them of this pleasure. Aren't they allowed to enjoy a fun game that does not require a physique they don't have? Or should they try and play on the field and get hurt, bruised and smashed by the "big kids".
Our next category is by far my favorite, "The Coders". These people are the epitome of the human brain. I personally wish I were gifted with the ability to understand, yet memorize complex codes and protocols. These people are the "lifeless nerds" who allow you to own the latest and the greatest of technological contraptions. They spend countless hours staring at screens to develop and improve the quality of consumer electronics you take for granted. Aren't they missing out? Not a bit! You should see how Mark Zuckerberg is missing out with all the multi millions he has.
I will speak of experience on the next one. I've been a literary geek since I was about 12. My favorite thing was to sit and read a book. And since I was an avid English literature reader, libraries and bookstores didn't help me much. What would I do, then? I'd search for free e-books and read them, read articles and blogs online...etc. This means that without my precious computer, I wouldn't have been able to keep this blog or write at all. So, if I were to choose whether to have "a life" or a computer...you know what I'd pick.
So, there ya go, pal! I'm sorry if this blog post doesn't go with what you think. After all, I keep this blog to express my humble opinions and rant about my personal issues.
Ok then,there's some words that keeps echoing in my mind..."Have a life".you know,when someone spend his whole day on the internet chatting with his friends & playing facebook games he has to "have a life".I need you to write an article about this subject.how can someone have a life in your opinion?So, I will talk to you personally about the subject, pal. People think that having a life is to not spend your whole day on the interwebz? It sounds logical that spending time staring at a screen won't do you any good. I'll have to disagree there. Although our culture emphasizes the importance of having face to face communication and relationships with people, there are many many people who can not function properly in this system.
You have shy people who are not willing to be the first to break the ice in a conversation. They normally fumble and hesitate to talk to people they've just met. Their only solution is to get to know these people first by having nice conversations on social media websites and trying to practice what will engage them better in a chat.
Then you have gaming nerds, and nerd here is by no means an insult. These people love to spend their time living in a CGI world of their own. That's what they like to spend their time doing, so why rob them of this pleasure. Aren't they allowed to enjoy a fun game that does not require a physique they don't have? Or should they try and play on the field and get hurt, bruised and smashed by the "big kids".
Our next category is by far my favorite, "The Coders". These people are the epitome of the human brain. I personally wish I were gifted with the ability to understand, yet memorize complex codes and protocols. These people are the "lifeless nerds" who allow you to own the latest and the greatest of technological contraptions. They spend countless hours staring at screens to develop and improve the quality of consumer electronics you take for granted. Aren't they missing out? Not a bit! You should see how Mark Zuckerberg is missing out with all the multi millions he has.
I will speak of experience on the next one. I've been a literary geek since I was about 12. My favorite thing was to sit and read a book. And since I was an avid English literature reader, libraries and bookstores didn't help me much. What would I do, then? I'd search for free e-books and read them, read articles and blogs online...etc. This means that without my precious computer, I wouldn't have been able to keep this blog or write at all. So, if I were to choose whether to have "a life" or a computer...you know what I'd pick.
So, there ya go, pal! I'm sorry if this blog post doesn't go with what you think. After all, I keep this blog to express my humble opinions and rant about my personal issues.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Social Networks & Social Insecurity
I initially thought of writing this as a Facebook post, I don't know why, but I have seemingly forgotten I have a blog. It's been over a month since I posted on here. This particular month witnessed tons of changes in my life, the first of which is that I got accepted into college! I also went on vacation, made a few new friends, and had fights with old ones, then reconciled with them...or whatnot.
I'll get to the point of the post. I believe every human being on the face of this earth suffers from some kind of insecurity. Be it their appearance, intelligence, sociability, people they're related to...etc. What truly differentiates calm, collected people, from panicky, freaked out people is their ability to manage their insecurities. Some people like to hide how they feel towards the points of lack or weakness they have, while others make it more obvious, whether to earn people's sympathy, to justify their failings or any other reason I might not be aware of. Though genetics may have a hand in the level of insecurity one has, I'm a firm believer that their surroundings are responsible for the majority of the problems this insecurity causes. Social networks are guilty of being a big part of it. Remember that one time when you were home, bored, sitting on your couch in sweat pants, and you decide to check your Facebook, only to see pictures of your friends smiling, happy, on vacation, triumphant and with a partner. While you feel lonely, lost, a failure, bored and alone. Remember how it made you feel to watch an insane sum of "likes" on your classmate's, colleague's or friend's picture, while yours only has a handful? I'll tell you what I felt like then: an outsider, dissatisfied with what I own, unpopular, ugly, not enough, repulsive, alien...oh, the list goes on.
I once thought that people would treat me nicely if I was nice to them, that if I have a good looking profile picture my "friends" would click like, that I can get people's good attention with a well-thought, well-written post on whatever social network it is, so that they might share it with their friends. But man, was I wrong!
I don't have to be "nice", I just have to act like I don't give a heck about whoever is talking to me, ignore them all I want, sound as cheeky and sassy as possible, and people would luuuuv me for it! The number of likes on my profile picture is directly proportional to the amount of skin I'm showing, or how crazy my pose is, or how "popular" I am in real life, even if the picture is terrible! I won't get people's attention to an important matter, I just have to write like: "OMG, worst day of mah lyf!" or a more typical "You don't deserve the attention I give you!" or the classic "I've got nothing left to lose..." in order to get 50 likes in 15 minutes!
Life is absurd, and social networks capture its absurdity on the highest level possible.
So, I quit trying to be popular. I've had enough with the pain and insecurity it causes me to see how different I am wired from the mold of a "popular girl". I don't want to dumb myself down in order to get the "likes" of the lowest common denominator! I won't judge how pretty my picture is by the number of likes or comments it gets, or how witty my one liner is by how many people retweeted or favorited it. I might return to my shell and get back to being the socially awkward nerdy girl no-one was friends with, but it'll be much better than trying to cope with what it takes to be the "it girl"!
I'll get to the point of the post. I believe every human being on the face of this earth suffers from some kind of insecurity. Be it their appearance, intelligence, sociability, people they're related to...etc. What truly differentiates calm, collected people, from panicky, freaked out people is their ability to manage their insecurities. Some people like to hide how they feel towards the points of lack or weakness they have, while others make it more obvious, whether to earn people's sympathy, to justify their failings or any other reason I might not be aware of. Though genetics may have a hand in the level of insecurity one has, I'm a firm believer that their surroundings are responsible for the majority of the problems this insecurity causes. Social networks are guilty of being a big part of it. Remember that one time when you were home, bored, sitting on your couch in sweat pants, and you decide to check your Facebook, only to see pictures of your friends smiling, happy, on vacation, triumphant and with a partner. While you feel lonely, lost, a failure, bored and alone. Remember how it made you feel to watch an insane sum of "likes" on your classmate's, colleague's or friend's picture, while yours only has a handful? I'll tell you what I felt like then: an outsider, dissatisfied with what I own, unpopular, ugly, not enough, repulsive, alien...oh, the list goes on.
I once thought that people would treat me nicely if I was nice to them, that if I have a good looking profile picture my "friends" would click like, that I can get people's good attention with a well-thought, well-written post on whatever social network it is, so that they might share it with their friends. But man, was I wrong!
I don't have to be "nice", I just have to act like I don't give a heck about whoever is talking to me, ignore them all I want, sound as cheeky and sassy as possible, and people would luuuuv me for it! The number of likes on my profile picture is directly proportional to the amount of skin I'm showing, or how crazy my pose is, or how "popular" I am in real life, even if the picture is terrible! I won't get people's attention to an important matter, I just have to write like: "OMG, worst day of mah lyf!" or a more typical "You don't deserve the attention I give you!" or the classic "I've got nothing left to lose..." in order to get 50 likes in 15 minutes!
Life is absurd, and social networks capture its absurdity on the highest level possible.
So, I quit trying to be popular. I've had enough with the pain and insecurity it causes me to see how different I am wired from the mold of a "popular girl". I don't want to dumb myself down in order to get the "likes" of the lowest common denominator! I won't judge how pretty my picture is by the number of likes or comments it gets, or how witty my one liner is by how many people retweeted or favorited it. I might return to my shell and get back to being the socially awkward nerdy girl no-one was friends with, but it'll be much better than trying to cope with what it takes to be the "it girl"!
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Back When I was a Kid...
I was cleaning out a closet at home when I stumbled upon some pretty ancient stuff. The most remarkable loot from my raid was my 6th grade diary. That's right; the unedited, untouched version of who I was when I was 12. I read through all the times I was crushing on boys (whom I had not named, unfortunately!) The times I thought my parents didn't understand, and times when having exams actually mattered to me, lol! Let's just say that was a long while ago.
Why do I care so much about something as trivial as an elementary school diary, you ask? Well, first off I thought it was neat that it's kept its form for so long. Secondly, I like the idea of gazing to my thoughts when I was actually excited to become a teenager. My choice of vocabulary was still shaky, but I think I managed to get on pretty well (regarding that English is NOT my first language). I was relatively happy, ignoring the fact that I was bullied at school regularly. I had some deep thoughts and daydreams...of which I share with you:
The rest of this diary entry was a rant about my mom yelling at me, how typical of a teenager!
Another excerpt from the diary, about being bullied, it was on 6th grade picture day. I remember not being told it was picture day because I was absent the day before, so I went there with a very "unusual" hairstyle for my frizzy, curly hair...and let's just say it didn't turn out so good with the peers...
Okay, the next one is hilarious/kinda embarrassing. See, my first celebrity crush was Zac Efron, I was so in love with him! But then again, would I blame myself for it? Heeeeck NO!
I almost cried when seeing full diary entries about being so happy to turn thirteen, starting middle school, or getting A's...I like how pure and simple my mind was, even though I was rushing straight ahead into puberty and its miserable years, of feeling incompetent, not pretty enough, not popular enough, not strong enough...
I like this idea of a "time capsule" of my brain, you know, when you're older you can get all kinds of memories lost and replaced. So keeping them in a journal, diary or a blog is a perfect way to reminisce and analyze the contents of your brain at a certain age. Maybe this blog is some kind of diary for later use, so I could know what I was thinking and feeling and experiencing when I was 18.
Hope you enjoyed those small excerpts from my diary, which I allow absolutely no one to read.
You should feel special. :))
Why do I care so much about something as trivial as an elementary school diary, you ask? Well, first off I thought it was neat that it's kept its form for so long. Secondly, I like the idea of gazing to my thoughts when I was actually excited to become a teenager. My choice of vocabulary was still shaky, but I think I managed to get on pretty well (regarding that English is NOT my first language). I was relatively happy, ignoring the fact that I was bullied at school regularly. I had some deep thoughts and daydreams...of which I share with you:
April 16th, 2007
Dear Diary,
Today i noticed that we must learn from wax. when it melts, it holds on together and becomes solid again. It's important to know that when we fall we can go up and hold on to be whatever we wanna be.
The rest of this diary entry was a rant about my mom yelling at me, how typical of a teenager!
Another excerpt from the diary, about being bullied, it was on 6th grade picture day. I remember not being told it was picture day because I was absent the day before, so I went there with a very "unusual" hairstyle for my frizzy, curly hair...and let's just say it didn't turn out so good with the peers...
April 19th, 2007
Dear Diary,That was all I had to say about it, I guess I didn't understand what bullying was all about back then. And frankly, I didn't seem to mind and lived my life normally.
I tied my hair in two ponytails today, some folk called me a "freaky child", I'm not a freak OR a child!
 |
| I liked them Disney princesses ;) |
And I did! I aced my french exam last year when I had to take french class. I guess with some determination it happened. Ya know, "Rien est impossible." ;)
April 21st, 2007
Dear Diary,
I wish today I could meet Zac Efron himself, & write french. Someday, I'll do.
Writing french, not meeting Zacky, lol!
I almost cried when seeing full diary entries about being so happy to turn thirteen, starting middle school, or getting A's...I like how pure and simple my mind was, even though I was rushing straight ahead into puberty and its miserable years, of feeling incompetent, not pretty enough, not popular enough, not strong enough...
I like this idea of a "time capsule" of my brain, you know, when you're older you can get all kinds of memories lost and replaced. So keeping them in a journal, diary or a blog is a perfect way to reminisce and analyze the contents of your brain at a certain age. Maybe this blog is some kind of diary for later use, so I could know what I was thinking and feeling and experiencing when I was 18.
Hope you enjoyed those small excerpts from my diary, which I allow absolutely no one to read.
You should feel special. :))
Friday, June 28, 2013
Compromise
Getting adjusted to adult life is tough, especially now that I'm done with high school and in the process of choosing my academic future, regarding university and such. I'm currently torn between two different paths. Either commit to scientific study and study pharmacy or dentistry, or follow my true passion and study journalism and writing, or even major in English language and literature.
Now, where I live, making a living is a form of torture. But as a girl, I'm spared some of the sentence because I am to rely on my "future husband" to provide for me. I know this goes against everything I believe in, from gender equality to independence to just plain common sense, but let's face it, I'm not sure whether or not I'll still be living where I am when I get older, so I need to work for the future, and not just my "marital" future!
Where the heck does the title of the post fit in?
I'll tell ya! I am trying to figure out what path I should take to the point where it comes to compromise.
Elaboration? Sure.
Choosing the medical/ scientific field means getting a job, respect from society, working countless hours in an exhausting field, money ($$$!) AND my mama and daddy to be proud of me.
While "following my heart" and choosing to major in English or journalism means: having to live on a dorm, struggling with finances as I won't get a job that easily, being equaled with people who did not choose to major in those, but rather got stuck with not having a high enough credit (or an overall score)....and I'd still make my parents proud.
As the mature adult I am -disregarding the fact that I'm only 18- I'm stomped. I have absolutely no idea what is a better future for me. I get the fact that I do not necessarily have to work with the BSc/BA I'll receive, but I don't want to do "crappily" in college either! I wan't to enjoy the learning process as much as I want to enjoy my 9 to 5 job.
I still have to work on my ability to compromise, whether I am compromising safety by studying away from home and having to live on my own, or comfort by choosing a job that will absolutely break my back, or my dream of working with words and ideas rather than chemicals and teeth (yuck!).
I'm not sure what I should choose now, I ask for advice just to find myself getting more baffled and lost. But I'm quite positive that God has a great plan for me, even if that plan means I'll have no future career at all. I trust Him, and I know I'll be just fine. (:
Now, where I live, making a living is a form of torture. But as a girl, I'm spared some of the sentence because I am to rely on my "future husband" to provide for me. I know this goes against everything I believe in, from gender equality to independence to just plain common sense, but let's face it, I'm not sure whether or not I'll still be living where I am when I get older, so I need to work for the future, and not just my "marital" future!
Where the heck does the title of the post fit in?
I'll tell ya! I am trying to figure out what path I should take to the point where it comes to compromise.
Elaboration? Sure.
Choosing the medical/ scientific field means getting a job, respect from society, working countless hours in an exhausting field, money ($$$!) AND my mama and daddy to be proud of me.
While "following my heart" and choosing to major in English or journalism means: having to live on a dorm, struggling with finances as I won't get a job that easily, being equaled with people who did not choose to major in those, but rather got stuck with not having a high enough credit (or an overall score)....and I'd still make my parents proud.
As the mature adult I am -disregarding the fact that I'm only 18- I'm stomped. I have absolutely no idea what is a better future for me. I get the fact that I do not necessarily have to work with the BSc/BA I'll receive, but I don't want to do "crappily" in college either! I wan't to enjoy the learning process as much as I want to enjoy my 9 to 5 job.
I still have to work on my ability to compromise, whether I am compromising safety by studying away from home and having to live on my own, or comfort by choosing a job that will absolutely break my back, or my dream of working with words and ideas rather than chemicals and teeth (yuck!).
I'm not sure what I should choose now, I ask for advice just to find myself getting more baffled and lost. But I'm quite positive that God has a great plan for me, even if that plan means I'll have no future career at all. I trust Him, and I know I'll be just fine. (:
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